Chapter 18 - Empty and Alone
It was another lovely day, slightly over cast but yet very bright. The sun broke through the linen windows, delicately caressing the faces of the two lovers as they slept peacefully until woken by the sounds of crying. Cesca was the first to wake, except she was liking the idea of sleeping a little longer so gave Jonah a few nudges, “Jonah”, she moaned still half asleep, “Yeah”, he moaned into his pillow, so much so that his words were almost unrecognisable, “your turn”, Cesca said just as she began to roll over and doze back to sleep. Jonah tried to make excuses but Cesca had her plan sussed as long as she ignored him she knew he would finally get out of bed and comfort a grizzly Mia. Just like Cesca had hoped, the covers swung back letting in the cold air which was a shock to the system, except they didn’t come back “If I’m getting up so are you”, Jonah said cheekily, “if only I had thought of doing that to you”, Jonah led the way, Cesca climbing out of bed half asleep, she waited for her eyes to adjust to the brightness of the light before following Jonah through to the landing where she then headed downstairs to go and grab some coffee, she needed it! In the mean time Jonah had entered Mia’s room, she sat in her crib, pulling at the bars, she couldn’t stand up so had settled with sitting, her eyes were puffy from all the crying and her face tear stained.”Aw Mia, it’s alright”, He picked her up giving her a loving hug, before slightly bouncing her in his arm whilst trying to find Tilly, who had taken the place of a rather over hugged Flopsy, though he was never far from Mia. Jonah found Tilly on the window sill, she was sat quite comfortably, “Here we go Mia”, and Jonah gave Mia her dolly before placing her on the floor and looking through her wardrobe for some clothes for her to wear. Jonah chose the outfits a lot quicker than Cesca, though she was quite a perfectionist when it came to clothes especially when it was Mia who was wearing them. But it didn’t matter who was to dress Mia, she always looked like the cute and beautiful daughter that belonged to them. Jonah picked out a cute little dress, it was blue, and a colour that Mia seemed to be put in a lot and it was also complete with white nautical stripes, running through the middle. It was very pretty, he picked Mia up, who wasn’t too happy he had, she was happy playing on the floor. He sat her up undressing her, ready to wear her gorgeous short sleeved dress. Once she was dressed Jonah carried her downstairs to a very tired Cesca who was slowly reaching a stage where she could face the day without falling off to sleep. “Hello gorgeous”, she said in her husky voice to little Mia, Jonah smiled as he saw her come towards them both, he reached Mia out towards her, Cesca picked her up, placing her in her highchair before going to find a small hair band to tie back her fringe into a rather cute mini bunchy, Mia sat very patiently whilst Cesca tied her hair up, Jonah was in the kitchen cutting up some banana and mixing it with yogurt, Mia simply sat quietly looking very cute as she sucked on her fingers, “oh Mia, don’t put your fingers in your mouth”, Cesca said, she did think she looked cute, but she really didn’t want to inflict any sort of weird habit on Mia, so she simply removed her fingers which was greeted with a grizzle ,Mia wasn’t so impressed, so she re-directed her fingers back into her mouth, “Mia, you’ll thank me one day when your teeth are lovely and straight”, Cesca once again took her fingers out of her mouth, this time they weren’t to go back in as Jonah brought Mia’s breakfast out, placing it on to the tray, he gave her the spoon and Mia began to dig in, Cesca sat back down at the table finishing off her cup of coffee, Jonah sat and ate his piece of toast just as Mia flicked hers all around the room, “Mia!”, Cesca and Jonah said, Cesca got up taking the bowl away through to the kitchen with her mug before going and getting something to clean the mess up, it was mainly on the floor but there were a few splatters on the skirting boards. She wiped the floor and went to get a wet wipe to clean up Mia “Your such a mucky pup”, She said with a smile on her face, after all she wasn’t angry it was just one of those things, she just wished that Mia would try and be careful but she is only 1. She wiped her face before taking of her bib and lifting her out of the high chair and giving her a kiss on her head, Mia began to snuggle into Cesca, which gave Cesca some reassurance that Mia wasn’t scared of her after all the telling off that she had been doing. Jonah smiled as he ate his last piece of toast before going and clearing all the mess up from breakfast. He may be 18 but he happily should how responsible he was and clearing up was one of those ways. Cesca gave her daughter another kiss on the head before putting her down to play, “That’s better, now you can play”, Mia reached her arms up to Cesca she didn’t want to be put down, she was rather enjoying spending time with her mummy,”oh Mia, I won’t be long. Jonah Mia’s playing, I am going for a shower”, Jonah re entered the room, “okay Ces”, he smiled approaching Mia before holding her hands and encouraging her to stand, something Cesca and himself had been working on with her. She was slowly starting to manage it, her legs weren’t buckling underneath her anymore, Jonah could feel the tightness that was once around his fingers slowly freeing as Mia became more and more confident standing. He began to move his hands away, moving slightly further back, Cesca entered the room just as Mia took the dreaded few steps towards her loving dad. Each step seemed even more special than the last, Cesca couldn’t help but gasp and let out a little happy tear and Jonah couldn’t help but beam as he let out his words of encouragement, “That’s it Mia, come to daddy”, She was just about to reach Jonah as she stumbled falling on to her bottom. Cesca ran over and helped her back up to her feet, allowing her to make her final hurdle. “Well done Mia”, Cesca kissed Mia’s cheek before giving Jonah a long loving kiss, Mia gurgling and sucking on her fingers in the background. They both recovered out of the kiss both staring at their loving daughter after watching her make her first few steps. The couple slowly got up leaving their daughter to stumble around, they held each other as they watched the most important thing to the pair of them blossom, Mia stumbled again but this time she was able to gain the strength to get herself back up, her bum was in the air and her tiny hands which were much bigger than the ones which were still framed on the wall, on the floor as she pushed herself up to a standing position, Mia was rather proud of herself, she had almost mastered walking. “There is no stopping her, now that she can walk”, Jonah said followed by Cesca with “No need to use the free gym membership Adanna gave me”, they both laughed just as the letter box banged as the post was delivered. “I’ll go get it”, Cesca said, not sure whether to leave Jonah’s arms, she didn’t want to leave the safety net that was the grasp of his arms, his strong manly arms, the arms that would protect her from the world. The arms that belonged to her true love. Jonah clung on for one more sneaky kiss, which Cesca was so grateful for, before she went and collected the post. She left the room beaming to the sounds of a giggly Mia and a very proud Jonah. Cesca was greeted at the front door by a pile of letters she picked them up, there were the usual bills but then a letter, the address was hand written and a style that Cesca knew. It was from her mum. She put the other post under her arm, before opening it to read it. The letter began....
Cesca,
It’s your mum, I wish I could be writing to you on much better circumstances and I know that your thinking, why haven’t I just rung to tell you my news but this situation is much more complicated. The day we came to visit you and meet Jonah and Mia, who are lovely by the way, wasn’t a exactly the memories I would liked to have cherished. But don’t blame yourself Cesca, none of it was your fault, I hate myself for the fact that you had to carry that on your shoulders for so long, you were so young, your whole childhood was ruined because of your father, the one person whose meant to protect you and guide you, he did nothing of the sort. I still can’t get over the fact I completely missed it, you did have your down days and I realise now why they were a lot worse than your sisters. Cesca I am always going to be here for you, you’re my baby and you unlike your sisters understand the bound between a child and its mother, it’s unbreakable and unconditional. I love you Francesca!
There was a serious point to my letter, something very important has happened, your father has been arrested for full bodily harm, he hit me and beat me up once we touched down in Spain. I am so sorry you have had to find out like this, I just didn’t have the strength to tell you through the phone, he is a very violent man, he has ruined your life and he wasn’t going to ruin anymore of it and that’s the only reason I managed to call the police, this wasn’t the first time this had happened, but after seeing you, I felt so disgusted in myself, how had I let him get to you! How dare he touch you? Cesca I realise this is going to be hard for you but you need to stay strong, you hold the vital information that will finally put him behind bars, make him pay for what he put you through, allow you to get on with your life without the worry and fear. The police want you to be a witness in the case Cesca; they want you to tell them everything he ever did to you. I know this isn’t exactly what you wanted but it’s what's happening. I realise that going back to a courtroom won’t bring back the best of memories but at least this time it’s for justice. I am sure that with this letter came the official letter from the courts, you need to come and open up your heart once more Cesca, you need to be the voice. We will all be behind you, me, Eva, Anna and Isabel. We won’t give up on our Cesca, we love you hunny y siempre!
I’ll hold your hand through the rough times and support you through the good, I love you Cesca, will see or hear from you soon
Love
Mum x
Cesca slowly put the letter down from in front of her eyes which were now beginning to well up, Jonah had noticed that she had been a while and strangely quiet so went to see what was happening. He found her stunned and almost teary, “Ces, what’s wrong?” she handed him the piece of paper, wanting him to read it for himself. She watched as his eyes skimmed the page taking in every word. “Ces, how’re you feeling, this must be a shock?”, He pulled her close, never wanting to let her go, she rested her head on his chest before saying “Jonah, I’ve let my mum down, this should never have happened, he should never have got to her” Cesca began to cry, Jonah comforted her before seeing a little cheeky face appear in the doorway behind him, “Hello monster” Cesca looked up as she heard Jonah speak, she couldn’t help but smile at her daughter. She wiped away her tears before being led through by Jonah to the sitting room where they could talk about this all properly and watch their cheeky little monkey toddle around. “Jonah I have to go, I have to do this”, “Ces, whatever makes you happy, but we’re all going to go, I watched as that man penalised you in our home, I am not putting you through all of that on your own”, “Jonah, it’s fine he’ll be in his stand I’ll be in mine”, “Ces, your facing people in court, are you sure you’ll be okay”, “I cant say I haven’t thought about it but I need to be strong for my mum’s sake, I can’t believe he did this to her”, “Ces, he should never have gone near you either! That man is a lunatic, he needs to be locked up but you need the support of your family”, “and I will, my mum and sisters will be there, Jonah, you and Mia are my family to, but I don’t want to drag you into this, it’s too complicated and messed up, Mia doesn’t deserve all of this and someone has to look after her, you’re going to look after her”, She caressed his face with her hand reassuring him that she would be okay, “Look, I will phone and text you. I don’t even know when it is, where’s those letters I had”, Jonah pulled the pile out from under his thigh, he had picked them up whilst he comforted Cesca. Cesca scrawled through the many bills until she came across a very important looking letter, she put the others to the side before taking a deep breath in and opening the letter, moving her thumb underneath the envelope to unstick it, she was careful not to rip it, she felt this letters importance and treated it with the respect you would give to a human. She carefully pulled out the letter as Jonah placed his arm around her giving her just the right amount of comfort that she needed. It was from the policia in Spain; it asked her to be a witness and included the date of the case, 12th may at 9.30am. This was only in a few days, she had to book her ticket and pack her bags in time to catch a plane that would take her to Spain for tomorrow so that she was to be there for the day after. “Ces, I realise this means you need to be getting going, you go pack your bags I’ll book your ticket, I love you Ces”, She gave him a long passionate kiss before stroking Mia on the head and heading upstairs to pack her suitcase, this was all so daunting for Cesca, she had to bring up her past once more but this time it was to be the last time. Jonah opened up the laptop searching for cheap tickets to Spain tonight. He found a good deal and booked her the seat on the plane, Jonah was dreading it all just as much as Cesca was, he was worried about her and he knew how much she would miss her, it seemed all too familiar. Cesca reappeared in the door way bag packed and all ready to leave, “Ces, your tickets booked the plane leaves in two hours. “Do you want me to drop you off at the airport?” Jonah asked “No, that will just make it all much harder, I love you and I’m going to hate being without you”. He knew exactly how she was feeling, they were both beginning to feel the emptiness, Cesca called her mum to tell her what was going on whilst Jonah called her a cab, he pressed the button to hang up slowly, he wanted this to be much longer, he as much as anyone hated goodbyes. He picked up Mia as he began to hear the beep of the Taxi. “I love you Jonah and I will be sure to call you as soon as I land, you’ll be okay?”, Cesca asked “Ces, we’ll be fine, might even have something new to show you, might be talking”, The both laughed but were both beginning to well up, Cesca kissed Mia on the cheek “Bye sweetie”, She said before giving Jonah one of the most meaningful kisses they had shared in a long time, “I better go”, The pair walked out to the door, Cesca picked up her bag and headed for the taxi, She blew them a kiss, which Jonah cheekily caught, but it made Cesca smile between the tears. It reminded them both of their wedding the moment they were separated placed in separate cars, tears streaming down their faces. The taxi drove away, Cesca stared out the window, waving back at Jonah who was encouraging little Mia to do the same. “So Mia, just me and you”, Jonah closed the door before holding Mia that much closer, trying to fill the pain of emptiness that had replaced the puzzle piece that once filled it.
Cesca,
It’s your mum, I wish I could be writing to you on much better circumstances and I know that your thinking, why haven’t I just rung to tell you my news but this situation is much more complicated. The day we came to visit you and meet Jonah and Mia, who are lovely by the way, wasn’t a exactly the memories I would liked to have cherished. But don’t blame yourself Cesca, none of it was your fault, I hate myself for the fact that you had to carry that on your shoulders for so long, you were so young, your whole childhood was ruined because of your father, the one person whose meant to protect you and guide you, he did nothing of the sort. I still can’t get over the fact I completely missed it, you did have your down days and I realise now why they were a lot worse than your sisters. Cesca I am always going to be here for you, you’re my baby and you unlike your sisters understand the bound between a child and its mother, it’s unbreakable and unconditional. I love you Francesca!
There was a serious point to my letter, something very important has happened, your father has been arrested for full bodily harm, he hit me and beat me up once we touched down in Spain. I am so sorry you have had to find out like this, I just didn’t have the strength to tell you through the phone, he is a very violent man, he has ruined your life and he wasn’t going to ruin anymore of it and that’s the only reason I managed to call the police, this wasn’t the first time this had happened, but after seeing you, I felt so disgusted in myself, how had I let him get to you! How dare he touch you? Cesca I realise this is going to be hard for you but you need to stay strong, you hold the vital information that will finally put him behind bars, make him pay for what he put you through, allow you to get on with your life without the worry and fear. The police want you to be a witness in the case Cesca; they want you to tell them everything he ever did to you. I know this isn’t exactly what you wanted but it’s what's happening. I realise that going back to a courtroom won’t bring back the best of memories but at least this time it’s for justice. I am sure that with this letter came the official letter from the courts, you need to come and open up your heart once more Cesca, you need to be the voice. We will all be behind you, me, Eva, Anna and Isabel. We won’t give up on our Cesca, we love you hunny y siempre!
I’ll hold your hand through the rough times and support you through the good, I love you Cesca, will see or hear from you soon
Love
Mum x
Cesca slowly put the letter down from in front of her eyes which were now beginning to well up, Jonah had noticed that she had been a while and strangely quiet so went to see what was happening. He found her stunned and almost teary, “Ces, what’s wrong?” she handed him the piece of paper, wanting him to read it for himself. She watched as his eyes skimmed the page taking in every word. “Ces, how’re you feeling, this must be a shock?”, He pulled her close, never wanting to let her go, she rested her head on his chest before saying “Jonah, I’ve let my mum down, this should never have happened, he should never have got to her” Cesca began to cry, Jonah comforted her before seeing a little cheeky face appear in the doorway behind him, “Hello monster” Cesca looked up as she heard Jonah speak, she couldn’t help but smile at her daughter. She wiped away her tears before being led through by Jonah to the sitting room where they could talk about this all properly and watch their cheeky little monkey toddle around. “Jonah I have to go, I have to do this”, “Ces, whatever makes you happy, but we’re all going to go, I watched as that man penalised you in our home, I am not putting you through all of that on your own”, “Jonah, it’s fine he’ll be in his stand I’ll be in mine”, “Ces, your facing people in court, are you sure you’ll be okay”, “I cant say I haven’t thought about it but I need to be strong for my mum’s sake, I can’t believe he did this to her”, “Ces, he should never have gone near you either! That man is a lunatic, he needs to be locked up but you need the support of your family”, “and I will, my mum and sisters will be there, Jonah, you and Mia are my family to, but I don’t want to drag you into this, it’s too complicated and messed up, Mia doesn’t deserve all of this and someone has to look after her, you’re going to look after her”, She caressed his face with her hand reassuring him that she would be okay, “Look, I will phone and text you. I don’t even know when it is, where’s those letters I had”, Jonah pulled the pile out from under his thigh, he had picked them up whilst he comforted Cesca. Cesca scrawled through the many bills until she came across a very important looking letter, she put the others to the side before taking a deep breath in and opening the letter, moving her thumb underneath the envelope to unstick it, she was careful not to rip it, she felt this letters importance and treated it with the respect you would give to a human. She carefully pulled out the letter as Jonah placed his arm around her giving her just the right amount of comfort that she needed. It was from the policia in Spain; it asked her to be a witness and included the date of the case, 12th may at 9.30am. This was only in a few days, she had to book her ticket and pack her bags in time to catch a plane that would take her to Spain for tomorrow so that she was to be there for the day after. “Ces, I realise this means you need to be getting going, you go pack your bags I’ll book your ticket, I love you Ces”, She gave him a long passionate kiss before stroking Mia on the head and heading upstairs to pack her suitcase, this was all so daunting for Cesca, she had to bring up her past once more but this time it was to be the last time. Jonah opened up the laptop searching for cheap tickets to Spain tonight. He found a good deal and booked her the seat on the plane, Jonah was dreading it all just as much as Cesca was, he was worried about her and he knew how much she would miss her, it seemed all too familiar. Cesca reappeared in the door way bag packed and all ready to leave, “Ces, your tickets booked the plane leaves in two hours. “Do you want me to drop you off at the airport?” Jonah asked “No, that will just make it all much harder, I love you and I’m going to hate being without you”. He knew exactly how she was feeling, they were both beginning to feel the emptiness, Cesca called her mum to tell her what was going on whilst Jonah called her a cab, he pressed the button to hang up slowly, he wanted this to be much longer, he as much as anyone hated goodbyes. He picked up Mia as he began to hear the beep of the Taxi. “I love you Jonah and I will be sure to call you as soon as I land, you’ll be okay?”, Cesca asked “Ces, we’ll be fine, might even have something new to show you, might be talking”, The both laughed but were both beginning to well up, Cesca kissed Mia on the cheek “Bye sweetie”, She said before giving Jonah one of the most meaningful kisses they had shared in a long time, “I better go”, The pair walked out to the door, Cesca picked up her bag and headed for the taxi, She blew them a kiss, which Jonah cheekily caught, but it made Cesca smile between the tears. It reminded them both of their wedding the moment they were separated placed in separate cars, tears streaming down their faces. The taxi drove away, Cesca stared out the window, waving back at Jonah who was encouraging little Mia to do the same. “So Mia, just me and you”, Jonah closed the door before holding Mia that much closer, trying to fill the pain of emptiness that had replaced the puzzle piece that once filled it.
