Chapter 57 - Please Come Home
Cesca sat huddled up on the sofa, her arms wrapped around her legs her head buried in her knees, why was life so hard? Cesca didn’t know what to do now; she didn’t want to chase him because that might mean pushing him that much further away. Cesca was supposed to be excited, she had finished work and was now preparing for their twins except it couldn’t be more different, she had finished work, argued with her husband and he had now gone walk about, she had no idea where he was, this night was supposed to be filled with passion, they were meant to be in each other’s arms, everything was supposed to have been forgiven and forgotten, they loved each other that was supposed to be enough to pull them through anything, why wasn’t it this time why was this so different from any other time. Cesca took a deep breath in before dialling Jonah’s number, maybe if she talked to him she could persuade him to come home, come home and talk through it all. She was finding it hard to select Jonah in her contacts list; her hands were shaking just seeing his name was making her all emotional she needed him. She loved him that feeling was never going to go away, Jonah had said it himself. Her chest felt sore, it were as if his dagger like stares were slicing through her heart, letting her blood run cold, Cesca no longer felt safe, she no longer felt protected, where was Jonah it was getting late and she was getting worried, she thought that the air might have done him good, Cesca plucked up the courage to ring him she fought against her shaking bones and broken heart, she needed to know he was safe even if it meant facing the fact he wasn’t going to be coming home to her tonight. Jonah was sat on the local park bench; he had wandered around, trying to clear his head. He hated himself, hearing the truth was always the right thing to be told but that didn’t mean it was always going to be what you wanted to hear. He loved Cesca and he hated knowing that he made her feel so bad, he hated the things he had said to her, he felt like his only option was to walk away, his family would be better off without him, Cesca would be fine without him. How wrong could he be Cesca was going out of her mind with worry, who was being selfish now aye? Cesca was worried, stressed and anxious, Jonah had made her feel like this once again, he was the culprit for her emotions, but then he always was, but that hadn’t really been a negative thing until recently, until today. Cesca was now sat on the sofa the same way that Jonah was sat on the park bench, they were both feeling the chills of being alone, the ache of their lonely hearts, they wanted and needed each other it was words that were said that were stopping Jonah from returning, he felt so mean felt so afraid. He felt as though he had just blown up the most important thing that had ever happened or been a part of his life. Cesca fiddled with her finger nails, her phone stuck on Jonah lay next to her, she decided to call him she needed to know that he was okay at least she just wanted him home. It rang... and rang and rang. No answer. She couldn’t understand why Jonah was doing this to her, why he wouldn’t even talk to her. Jonah was now shivering on the bench, a tear trickled down his cheek, he couldn’t not be with Cesca, this was hurting him just as much as he knew it would be hurting her, he looked down at his phone at the call from her that he couldn’t answer, he didn’t want to hurt her, he didn’t want to make her cry. But somehow he knew that either way he would be doing that, whether he came home to the most beautiful girl, the girl he loved or the walked away from her. But if he walked away he would not only be letting Cesca down but he would be letting down Mia and Betsy and Oscar and not to mention himself. He would ruin his own future his perfect future with his perfect family. Jonah needed to get a grip, families rowed they didn’t run away from them just because the disagreed or didn’t like what they were hearing, they stayed together, the Kirby’s particularly had been through a lot, too much to just run away from it all, forget that they had to fight to be with each other. Jonah wasn’t ready to walk away from it all and neither was Cesca but there was no doubt about it they needed to tell each other they were sorry, Jonah needed to tell Cesca how much he hated himself for the way today had gone for how he had made her bawl her eyes out for the fact he left her to cry, left her to hurt inside.
Jonah finally became a man, proved to Cesca that he wasn’t the naive 22 year old that she had told him he was earlier when they were arguing, he did the right thing, he called her back, his hands were shaking the tears were now pouring, Cesca answered immediately, she was clearly shocked that he had called her back, she didn’t think that he was going to come back, that he was going to call her that he was going to even talk to her. “J”, She answered, “Yes baby”, his voice was vulnerable, teary and Cesca knew it, she could hear every whimper, every sniffle every bit of pain, she could feel it. “It’s alright, it’s going to be alright”, Jonah began to cry down the phone, Cesca did her best to bite her tongue, to be strong but it was no use, hearing Jonah so upset and in so much pain only led her feeling exactly the same way, “I love you so much”, Jonah said, “I love you to, where are you?” Cesca wanted to know he was safe, that he wasn’t likely to do anything stupid, not that she thought he would she just knew that when he was angry or emotional he was really vulnerable. “I... I...I’m in the park”, “Okay, are you ...are you coming home?”, Cesca went straight out and said it, she needed to know, she just wanted to know whether the person she loved was walking out on her or sticking by, she loved him more than words could ever possibly say, losing him would mean losing the will to live, losing the one reason to wake up in the morning, the one reason to smile, the reason to be happy, the reason to enjoy life. “I’m not leaving you Ces, your my world, we have our twins and Mia. Losing you isn’t even an option, it breaks my heart to see you so upset”, “Oh J, we’ll always be here for you to, I love you more than words can ever say”, Cesca couldn’t carry on her sentence without completely breaking down in tears. “Ces, I’m coming home”, Jonah could hear Cesca’s tears fill with joy and happiness, “I’ll see you soon then, be safe”, Cesca felt that was the most important thing at the minute his safety. They could sort out all their problems once he was home, but Cesca just worried about him getting home, it was late and she was just a worrier at the minute, she was very emotional and just wanted her Jonah back, back in her arms, she needed his contact.
Cesca was no longer sat on the sofa she paced the floor to the point it was a surprise that the carpet hadn’t been worn down, she kept flicking the curtains back in hope she might catch Jonah walking up the path but she didn’t, she twiddled her fingers and bit her lip, she still ached she still hurt despite knowing that she was going to have him back, going to have her lover. Cesca could suddenly hear distinctive but familiar footsteps, she could hear sniffles and deep breathing but at the same time short and shallow, she heard the jingling of keys and the frustration of not being able to find the right one, she could hear the breakdown of just wanting to be home, to be where you should be. Cesca rushed through to the hall and opened the door to find Jonah in sheds and floods of tears, “Baby”; he said through the water works, she let him make his way into the house before shutting the door and holding him close. She just wanted to feel him, he was freezing, “Your frozen”, She said her head on his chest, his arms tightly wrapped around her body, his lips kissing her head, “I’m sorry”, he said, Cesca knew that this wasn’t for the fact he was cold, this was for leaving her when the goings got tough, for hurting her, for breaking her heart, for saying all the things that made him hate himself so much, “I should never have said those things to you, I was out of order”, “Aye, no more talking. I’m just glad your home, I missed you”, Jonah didn’t understand how Cesca could be so understanding be so forgiving, but that just showed how strong their bond was, how much they loved each other how nothing was to ever break the love they shared for one another. “You go an sit on the sofa I’m going to make you a drink your freezing”, Jonah smiled at her before holding her even tighter, “Your not going anywhere, I thought you said we had some making up to do”, Cesca managed to giggle, this was how today was supposed to end, in fits of giggles and kisses. “I think I better walk up the stairs this time”, They both laughed, it was amazing how you can look back on something that hurt so much a few minutes ago and suddenly be able to see the funny side of things. Cesca took his hand as she led him up the stairs this time she was extra careful not to fall, “I’m not going anywhere”, she called out as she felt Jonah’s hands behind her back, supporting her in case she fell, “What did I say about being over protective and being so pessimistic”, They both laughed again. Jonah pushed her into their room, he couldn’t wait much longer, he shoved the door closed pushing her up against it, he began to kiss her neck as his hands slowly explored her body, everything was going so well, everything felt so right, “I won’t ever leave you Ces”, Jonah said as he pushed her towards the bed. Things really couldn’t have gotten any worse, they were back together stronger than ever, nothing was ever going to change that, they had both realised that lows meant that there were going to be highs, this roller coaster hadn’t finished rolling and they were prepared more than ever for what was going to hit them and accepted that they needed to tell each other how they felt once in a while so it never led to this again. Tonight had been painful but had ended on a high, Cesca lay in Jonah’s arms his hands wrapped around the bump that was their twins, “we have so much to look forward to, I need to be more positive”, Cesca felt proud to hear Jonah admit that he needed to think about the positives, it meant that this whole argument hadn’t been for nothing, he understood how she felt, he would always understand her sometimes it would take some time before he truly realised but deep down he would always know inside, after all he loved her and only wanted to see and make her happy.
Jonah finally became a man, proved to Cesca that he wasn’t the naive 22 year old that she had told him he was earlier when they were arguing, he did the right thing, he called her back, his hands were shaking the tears were now pouring, Cesca answered immediately, she was clearly shocked that he had called her back, she didn’t think that he was going to come back, that he was going to call her that he was going to even talk to her. “J”, She answered, “Yes baby”, his voice was vulnerable, teary and Cesca knew it, she could hear every whimper, every sniffle every bit of pain, she could feel it. “It’s alright, it’s going to be alright”, Jonah began to cry down the phone, Cesca did her best to bite her tongue, to be strong but it was no use, hearing Jonah so upset and in so much pain only led her feeling exactly the same way, “I love you so much”, Jonah said, “I love you to, where are you?” Cesca wanted to know he was safe, that he wasn’t likely to do anything stupid, not that she thought he would she just knew that when he was angry or emotional he was really vulnerable. “I... I...I’m in the park”, “Okay, are you ...are you coming home?”, Cesca went straight out and said it, she needed to know, she just wanted to know whether the person she loved was walking out on her or sticking by, she loved him more than words could ever possibly say, losing him would mean losing the will to live, losing the one reason to wake up in the morning, the one reason to smile, the reason to be happy, the reason to enjoy life. “I’m not leaving you Ces, your my world, we have our twins and Mia. Losing you isn’t even an option, it breaks my heart to see you so upset”, “Oh J, we’ll always be here for you to, I love you more than words can ever say”, Cesca couldn’t carry on her sentence without completely breaking down in tears. “Ces, I’m coming home”, Jonah could hear Cesca’s tears fill with joy and happiness, “I’ll see you soon then, be safe”, Cesca felt that was the most important thing at the minute his safety. They could sort out all their problems once he was home, but Cesca just worried about him getting home, it was late and she was just a worrier at the minute, she was very emotional and just wanted her Jonah back, back in her arms, she needed his contact.
Cesca was no longer sat on the sofa she paced the floor to the point it was a surprise that the carpet hadn’t been worn down, she kept flicking the curtains back in hope she might catch Jonah walking up the path but she didn’t, she twiddled her fingers and bit her lip, she still ached she still hurt despite knowing that she was going to have him back, going to have her lover. Cesca could suddenly hear distinctive but familiar footsteps, she could hear sniffles and deep breathing but at the same time short and shallow, she heard the jingling of keys and the frustration of not being able to find the right one, she could hear the breakdown of just wanting to be home, to be where you should be. Cesca rushed through to the hall and opened the door to find Jonah in sheds and floods of tears, “Baby”; he said through the water works, she let him make his way into the house before shutting the door and holding him close. She just wanted to feel him, he was freezing, “Your frozen”, She said her head on his chest, his arms tightly wrapped around her body, his lips kissing her head, “I’m sorry”, he said, Cesca knew that this wasn’t for the fact he was cold, this was for leaving her when the goings got tough, for hurting her, for breaking her heart, for saying all the things that made him hate himself so much, “I should never have said those things to you, I was out of order”, “Aye, no more talking. I’m just glad your home, I missed you”, Jonah didn’t understand how Cesca could be so understanding be so forgiving, but that just showed how strong their bond was, how much they loved each other how nothing was to ever break the love they shared for one another. “You go an sit on the sofa I’m going to make you a drink your freezing”, Jonah smiled at her before holding her even tighter, “Your not going anywhere, I thought you said we had some making up to do”, Cesca managed to giggle, this was how today was supposed to end, in fits of giggles and kisses. “I think I better walk up the stairs this time”, They both laughed, it was amazing how you can look back on something that hurt so much a few minutes ago and suddenly be able to see the funny side of things. Cesca took his hand as she led him up the stairs this time she was extra careful not to fall, “I’m not going anywhere”, she called out as she felt Jonah’s hands behind her back, supporting her in case she fell, “What did I say about being over protective and being so pessimistic”, They both laughed again. Jonah pushed her into their room, he couldn’t wait much longer, he shoved the door closed pushing her up against it, he began to kiss her neck as his hands slowly explored her body, everything was going so well, everything felt so right, “I won’t ever leave you Ces”, Jonah said as he pushed her towards the bed. Things really couldn’t have gotten any worse, they were back together stronger than ever, nothing was ever going to change that, they had both realised that lows meant that there were going to be highs, this roller coaster hadn’t finished rolling and they were prepared more than ever for what was going to hit them and accepted that they needed to tell each other how they felt once in a while so it never led to this again. Tonight had been painful but had ended on a high, Cesca lay in Jonah’s arms his hands wrapped around the bump that was their twins, “we have so much to look forward to, I need to be more positive”, Cesca felt proud to hear Jonah admit that he needed to think about the positives, it meant that this whole argument hadn’t been for nothing, he understood how she felt, he would always understand her sometimes it would take some time before he truly realised but deep down he would always know inside, after all he loved her and only wanted to see and make her happy.
